Fadhli Butterfinger

She's willing to...
11.03.2010

She’s willing to hold on 

until her fingers bleed 

to her only faint exhausted hope

                        that one day he’ll sigh in her forlorn ear

                            I love you

She’s willing to weep astringent tears of worthlessness

           into the sheer obscurity of the night

                  even if

                           in the end, which seems so unbearably far away

                                he isn’t worth it

                                     but she keeps thinking and hoping that he will be

She’s willing to keep idolizing him

          and be liquidated every time he strides past her

                 because all she wants is to be the one he aches to be with

                               just for a fleeting moment

                                      just to embrace him

                                             more than anything in the world

She’s willing to have patience

          to wait infinitely

               until he at least glances in her direction

                       she can only dream of how exquisite she would feel

                             if he just willingly  looked into her pining eyes

She’s willing to drown herself in the intensities of supplication

           hoping God will devour her pleads

                         hoping that one day she’ll arouse from this dreadful nightmare

                                     and he’ll be looking forward to seeing her

                                            looking forward to pulling her close with his mighty arms

                                                          and never even entertain the ridiculous                                                          thoughts

                                                                 of letting go

                                                                

She’s willing to walk away

          and never attempt to look over her shoulder

                 at what could have been

                     if that is what he desired

                         if that would make him intoxicated with felicity

                            even if it hurt her beyond comprehension

                                     where no compassionate words could ever reach her

                                              even if it made her wish she were lifeless

                                                       being only the nourishment for the creatures

                                                                 that feed on the decaying flesh of those

                                                                        who had departed in utter despair

She’s willing to close her eyes

           and try to obliterate

                  everything she feels for him

                                     if it would make his life worth living

                                         if it would make his eyes dance in the light of her suffering

She’s willing to live every day

          knowing he doesn’t he even think to care

                          if only she would feel his soothing shadow

                              rush through her spirit

                                     like the wind that caresses

                                             torrid and thirsty leaves

She’s willing to be unconditionally heartbroken and wretched

           to wait until

               her last fluttering breath has fled from her

                      to weep into

                          the obscurity of the ruthless night

                                to spend everyday barely animate

                                    knowing that he doesn’t even think to care

                                                   that she might matter

                                                          even in most minute amount

                                                                   to close her ardent eyes

                                                                       and try to obliterate the feelings for the last comfort she has

                                                                              to walk away

                                                                                  to depend only on her inconsequential poetry

                                                                                      her tear stained pillow

                                                                                            and her bled out heart

                                                                                                       for  broken consolation

if in the end

    he would just smile lovingly at her

           just once

                  and ameliorate the excruciating pain

                             

 

                                                                 If only for a moment. 

Are you willing?
11.03.2010

this world is full of everything,
full of pain,
full of misery,
full of suffering,
full of hate and lies...

 But there is one thing to remember,
this world is also full of love,
happiness,
bliss,
and it is full of the people with these virtues...

 But to know the truth,
you have know where you stand,
realize the things that you say,
love what you see,
you have to know who you are...

 You may have been born in the dark,
so blind,
so cold,
so hurt,
so unnoticed...

 But there is the light,
In the horizon,
waiting,
watching,
and always loving...

 You will stumble on the path,
but will you give up,
wait to die,
be oblivious to the loving light,
or will you take the risk?...

 So a question is now asked,
who are you,
what do you want,
what side are you on,
will you continue forward?...

 Ask these questions,
and all the answers will come,
the truth will tell you,
but only if you ask,
only if you are willing...

 ..so...
...are you willing?... 

Risk?
11.03.2010

Sometimes you don't know where to go.
Who to trust.
Someone ruined your ability to trust.
But I can promise you, that one person will never, ever let you fall.
Are you willing to trust?
Willing to risk it all for one person? 

Willing & Unwillingly
11.03.2010

Just stop with the emotional abuse,
I can't deal with that really,
But physical pain,
I can,

 Willingly.

 Hurt my hideous body if you wish,
Just leave my mind alone,
It can hurt itself,
Quite well,

 Unwillingly.